Caregivers Advice

Taking Care Of The Caregiver
By Ruth Bredbenner

Often the role of caregiver is taken on by the person who is closest to the person that is ill. A wife
or husband, a mother or daughter or even a friend may assume this role.

It is most appropriate that the focus is initially on the ill person. Going through the hospitalization
and diagnostic work up and the eventual return to home again. The roller coaster ride that takes
place during these events often leaves the caregiver already fatigued,both emotionally and
physically.

During the ill persons hospitalization. The caregiver has traveled back and forth to the hospital
probably daily, fielded the many phone calls and has managed to keep all the activities of running
house and home afloat.

As things simmer down and after what perhaps was a critical event, then becomes stable .The
plans to return home will have brightened the day for everyone involved in this relationship. The
energy surrounds the ill person ,and is most often driven by the love for them and the hopeful
recovery that is on the horizon.

When the person with the illness has returned home, there is an adjustment period, sometimes
rough, when the reality of what might be temporary or maybe permanent limitations are realized.
Impatience is sometimes part of the picture and a most normal response to a major life changing
event.

So the caregiver in the supportive role,adjusts the environment and the care needed at a pace
that fits into a somewhat normal routine for them. Keep in mind, that the caregiver is beginning
the care at home, in an already fatigued state. All the energy is focused in the recovery mode, but
the reality is it is more of a course in bumpy roads for most. Hopefully recovery runs it's course
and life returns to normal again. The caregiver will also recover and life will fall into place again.

An illness that lasts a long while or one that a person must incorporate into their lifestyle, is
probably what we can consider as a chronic illness, with some episodes of severity alternating
with more manageable times where the illness is under control. This can add to caregiver's
fatigue as the constant vigil is demanding until the ill person can assume their own care.

If an illness takes a lingering course, the caregiver is at risk for illness themselves if they lack the
needed support. The sleepless nights, administering to the ill person, traveling back and forth to
doctors appointments and treatments can drain most of your available energy. Add this to the
other responsibilities the caregiver has probably assumed for the ill person. Managing finances,
caring for children or pets, and carrying on running the household, shopping, and preparing
meals, all the while keeping other family members updated on the ill persons progress. Does
this make the picture clear for some who have not had this experience yet ? Can you now
visualize the word "burnout "? And can I add for you that some caregivers are also trying to work
for the family income at the same time.

So how can family and friends lighten the load for the caregiver?

1. Offer to shop or prepare some one-pot meals to leave at the house .

2. Offer to sit with the ill person if needed to allow the caregiver a visit to a friend or a hairdresser
appointment.

3. Immediate family can do best by combining a much needed visit, with maybe a desert, and do
the wash, and assist in some chores.

4. When out shopping you can call the caregiver to see if they need anything, then you can drop it
off for them.

5. If the caregiver has young children, maybe take them out for the day.

6. If the ill person and caregiver likes music or movies try to find a CD or DVD that they might
enjoy together.

7. Good neighbors, may be able to walk dogs or take care of a fishtank, or even put out their
garbage can.

8. If the caregiver and ill person has religious affiliations inform them, with the families
permission, if they do not already know. Perhaps they can visit them.

Think out of the box. Support the togetherness in your caring of this family. But remember there is
at least two people that have been affected by this illness, and both need support.

If recovery is not the outcome but a physical decline, they will need support even more. There are
professional services in the community as visiting nurses or a Hospice.

The most important thing you can do for this family is to be there for them. Keep in touch, and do
all that you can do to nurture them, and be generous with the all important hugs.

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