Caring For Elderly Parent

Joanne took two weeks of vacation from her job and cooked and froze meals for her
husband and three children. As she flew to her hometown, she wondered how she
would coordinate her mother’s care from a distance. Supporting her husband as he
built his new business, nurturing her kids and directing a major project at work already
made her feel that she was running on empty.

You may relate to Joanne’s story. One out of four Americans cares for a friend or
relative who is sick, disabled or frail. That’s 46 million Americans who offer unpaid help
to a loved one. If they were paid caregivers’ compensation would exceed last year’s
Medicare budget! And if you become a caregiver, you, like Joanne, may try to do it
alone, shrouded in secrecy.

Solo caregiving compromises your ability to nurture yourself and others. Let’s take
caregiving out from behind closed doors. For your sake and the sake of those who
count on you, please get some help. Caregivers are competent people who feel that
they should be able to do this job. Yet, many soon find themselves unprepared and ill-
equipped to manage the sometimes daunting tasks, such as managing a complex
medical regimen or remodeling a house so it’s wheel-chair accessible or even finding
someone to stay with their loved ones so they can go out to a movie without worrying
their relatives will fall on the way to the fridge.

If you are a caregiver, you know that this act of love has its costs. You stand to forfeit
up to $650,000 in lost wages, pension and social security. Add to that is the personal
cost to your well being, as your new demands leave you less time for your family and
friends. You may give up vacations, hobbies and social activities. Finally, caregiving
places a burden on your health. Caregivers are at increased risk for depression,
anxiety, depressed immune function and even hospitalization.

Instead of reaching out, caregivers become isolated. Many who assume the
caregiving burden fit the profile of the giving family member, like Joanne, who does not
want to trouble others with their problems. Some fear the consequences of disclosing
their new demands to coworkers or employers. Caregivers are further challenged by
the cultural conspiracy of silence. Our youth-centered society turns a blind eye to the
unpleasant and inevitable reality that all of us age and die. This leaves both
caregivers and care recipients unprepared. Look no further than the path of
Hurricane Katrina to witness the consequences of a lack of planning.

What can you do?   Start talking about the "what ifs" and make a plan.

1. Start with yourself. What will happen to you and your family if you become disabled
or die unexpectedly? Do you have disability insurance? Do you have a will? Do you
have a living will, and have you identified the person who will make the medical choices
you would make if you are not in the position to do so?

2. Approach healthy family members.    Say, "I hope that you live many happy years in
which you enjoy all of the pleasures you worked so hard to create." Have you thought
about what would happen to you in the event that you cannot live independently any
more? If some medical event befalls you, who would make your medical choices?

3. Look into community resources that support caregiving. A day program, for
example, helps your loved one by providing social connections with peers. Your
community may even offer transportation to and from the program. Getting out of the
house offers the additional benefit of getting bodies moving. Socializing and exercise
are the two most powerful interventions that help your loved ones stay at their best.

4. Make specific suggestions to friends, family members and neighbors who want to
help. You may even want to keep a "help list." When they say, "Let me know what I can
do," you have a response: "Could you take Mom to her physical therapy appointment
this week?" "When you’re at the store, could you pick up some oranges and
blueberries?" "Could you watch the kids for an hour so I can get to the gym?" Your
giving friends will appreciate specific ideas about how they can help.

5. Take care of your health. Get good nutrition, plenty of sleep, and regular exercise
to stay in top health. Wash your hands regularly to prevent colds and flu. Manage
your stress with laughter, a prayer or even a deep breath. Nourish your soul with a
taste of activities that recharge your batteries such as writing in your journal or
gardening. Finally, talk to your doctor if you feel depressed or anxious.

The best strategies for effective caregiving include preparation, acts of self-care and
reaching out for help. That begins with the courage to start talking openly about
caregiving.

Vicki Rackner, MD is a board certified surgeon who left the operating room to help
caregivers and patients partner with their doctors. She's the author of "The Biggest
Skeleton In Your Doctor's Office", "The Personal Health Journal", and "Chicken Soup
for the Soul Healthy Living Series: Heart Disease. Go to www.drvicki.org and get her
FREE REPORT: "Caring for the caregiver: How to open your heart to others without
putting your own at risk."

Article Source: http://www.articledashboard.com

Caring for Elderly Parents: 5 Tips for Avoiding Caregiver Burnout
by Vicki Rackner MD

Joanne’s mother, Betty, had
rheumatoid arthritis for years.
Suddenly and unexpectedly, Betty
was disabled by the pain, fatigue
and limited mobility that she had
feared since her diagnosis.

Joanne convinced her fiercely
independent mother that living alone
was no longer an option. And
Joanne, the eldest of four children,
knew that caring for her sick mother
fell on her shoulders. Joanne was a
legend in the circles of her family,
friends and colleagues for her ability
to act with grace under pressure.